Activity 1.3: Comfort, Stretch, Panic

ACTIVITY THREE
Comfort, Stretch, Panic
Purpose	Learning Outcome	Introduction	Time
The purpose of this activity is to enable participants to explore their comfort zones and gain a sense of their felt experience.	Participants will be able to begin to communicate their needs and wants in relationships.	Explain this to participants	25 minutes

Part One

Comfort, Stretch, Panic (explain to participants)

Using the picture below, explain the comfort, stretch and panic zones.

Method

Using string, draw three circles (similar to the figure above on comfort, stretch panic) on the floor, big enough for the participants to stand in.
Invite the participants to stand in the zone that they find most true to how they feel given the statements (see below) that will be read out.
Tease out each situation depending on where people position themselves.

– What makes that situation feel comfortable to you?
– What makes that situation a stretch situation for you? How do you know that it is a stretch situation, i.e. what signals does your body send you? How can you respond to that kind of a stretch situation?
– What makes that situation a panic situation for you? How do you know that it is a panic situation for you, i.e. what signals does your body send you? How can you respond to that kind of panic situation?

Discussion Questions

In the large group discuss:

What did you learn about the signals your body sends you?
Do you ever ignore these signals? What happens then? (There is a saying, don’t trust your gut instincts, obey them, they rarely lead you wrong).
What are some of the best responses you have to dealing with these three zones, comfort, stretch and panic?

STATEMENTS

You have the option to choose those deemed most relevant to the group, or make them more specific to the experiences of young people you are working with given what has come up in the group already.

Being in the same room as a spider
Being asked to speak in public
Being asked on a date by someoneyou fancy
Being asked on a date by someoneyou don’t fancy
Saying hi to someone you like
Asking someone out
Being asked to send a naked pictureof yourself to someone
Being followed on Instagram bysomeone you don’t like
Being followed on Instagram bysomeone you fancy
Someone making a negative commentabout you on social media
Someone praising your pictureon social media

Someone making a positive commentto you in person
Someone saying something hurtfulto you in public
Someone touching you when youdon’t want them to
Someone touching you when youdo want them to
Having a fight with a friend
Having a fight with a family member
Having a fight with a girl or boyyou like
You are challenged to a fight by a group of other young people on a night out
Being turned down / rejected
Asked to kiss someone in exchange for cinema tickets

Materials

Download the Statements (PDF).

Part Two

Wants & Needs

A need is “something that a person must have: something that is needed in order to live, or succeed, or be happy.” (Webster, 2014)

A need is something that is essential and very important to live a healthy and satisfied life. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (see figure below) highlights basic needs such as physiological needs and safety needs, psychological needs such as belonging, love and esteem needs and then self-fulfillment needs. We need these things to both survive and thrive.

Wants on the other hand are things we desire. Such as a list of important traits we want in a partner.
How we want our partner to look on a physical level, how we want them to behave when in front of our friends in public and behave with us in private. Our wants may even extend to a general statement like “I want them to make me feel happy.” However, you are the one that is responsible for ensuring that you are happy, and your needs get met in a relationship. It is up to you to understand what you need in a relationship versus what you want, and it is your responsibility to effectively communicate those things.

Hierarchy of Needs

In preparation for this activity have the definitions of a WANT and NEED from above highlighted in bold, on a flipchart to explain to the participants.
Have the following questions prepared on a flipchart and ask the participants to form smaller groups and explore the two questions.

1. What are all the wants a person might have in a relationship?
2. What are all the needs a person might have in a relationship?

Discussion Questions

In the large group discuss:

What is the difference between what you want and what you need in a relationship?
If we don’t get what we need in a relationship, what zone might it put us in?
What about, if we don’t get what we want in a relationship, what zone might we be in then?
How can you use the emotions that you feel to help you communicate what you want or need in a relationship?
What does a healthy relationship look or feel like when you think about the zones, needs and wants?

Ending: Personal contract

Have an envelope for each participant and ask them to write their name and date on it and insert their personal contract into it when done. Ask them to keep it somewhere safe in their home should they want to read it. (Another option is to ask the participants to write their name and address on it and the facilitator can post it in 3 months).

Ask the participants to:
1. Write down specifically what a healthy relationship for them.
2. Create a personal contract for what they would like for themselves.

Ask them to consider the question.

What do I want and need in a sexual relationship and in a non-sexual relationship for
my relationships to be healthy?

Closing

Summarise for the group what was covered in the session and ask the participants what they learned, and how they will take that learning with them.
Remind the group of the question box. Hand out slips of paper to all the participants and ask them to write a comment or question on the session. This way the facilitator captures ongoing feedback and participants that want to write, or ask a question, have the space to do it without it being obvious to the rest of the group.

The YES Course

Activity 1.3: Comfort, Stretch, Panic

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